Hawaii Kong

Jeno and Fahad went to Hawaii recently, or so they say...


... looks a lot like Hong Kong to me!

Jawaani

I apologize to all my avid readers (I know you're out there) for the relative silence for the past few weeks. It's exams' time, so when I'm not thinking of algorithms, I'm either sleeping or not thinking of anything at all (the latter condition caused by brain being reduced to pulp).

So I'll be 30 soon. Is that old? It feels like a milestone, though it's not much more than 29 or much less than 31. But I guess counting in decades has some significance, so this feels like an important event. I feel older, like I'm not a kid anymore, and have to be responsible and act older somehow. Or is it because I'm a dad now, and milestones are not measured in decades but by such significant events?

Jani (Abhishek) says this is all algorithms' doing. Once it's over, I'll feel young again. Maybe younger, sure, but it's Faiz's time to be young.

Ankit put it well though, "after algoz final, deekhna kaisey jawaani phootay gi!"

All Play and no Work

You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play.

- Warren Beatty

Quote of the day on Google. Isn't that a lovely thought?

The Challenge

"The biggest challenge as a mother has been to let go, to realize that my children have their own life and they are different people. I was very blessed to have them in my live for a while, but I don't own them. I can't protect them from death, neither can I protect them from life. I can't protect them from pain, from whatever is going to happen to them. They have their own destiny. To be able to let go and stand on the side and watch them stumble and fall and not pick them up because they have to learn the lesson is the most awful, awful challenge for a mother."

-Isabel Allende

Continuing with the theme we started with Gibran, Isabel can be regarded as a more credible source of the 'letting go' doctrine; because she is herself a parent. But Faiz is still too young for me to know if I'll be able to let go. Certainly, we can wish that our parents had let us go, but will we wish the same when it comes to our own children?

The reason this makes sense is that children do have their own destinies, no matter how much parents would like to control what is probably already writ (no doubt, in a futile attempt to keep their children from harm's way). So preparing them for life by giving them a safe place to stumble and mumble is probably best.

One thing I would add to Isabel's ideas: no matter how far and wide children go, no matter what they do, they should always know that their parents are a home they can come back to. That will give them the confidence to never fear the unknown, and to take the risks that make life worth living.

The toothless, gummy smile...

...that melts hearts. Truly. It's incredible; the magic that a smile can spin. Sometimes, when Faiz is crying and refuses to be soothed, and my patience is running thin, he will pause for a second, look at me, and flash a huge, lovely grin. Completely mesmerizes me, and recharges my patience batteries.

Penn Baby

Guess where I'm going to school? (don't tell mommy)

Let Love Be a Decision

I disagree that love is just an emotion.
Love is a decision.

Ariel Bybee

So what is unconditional love then? Isn't that what a parent feels for his or her child? Where do expectations fit into the picture?

I suppose unconditional love is also a decision. At some point, we make the choice to love someone unconditionally. And there are always expectations. To not have expectations is also an expectation; one that is most likely disappointed.

Amazing Grace

Bilal (BMS) reminded me of this hymn. Faiz, of course, means grace; and how amaizing it is! It is true that every soul that God sends to Earth brings his or her own kismet, and anyone who is fortunate to be around that soul is blessed with the same. Allah has been so gracious that we are almost shy to ask for anything more.

Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)

That saved a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

And grace my fears relieved;

How precious did that grace appear,

The hour I first believed!

Through many dangers, toils and snares,

I have already come;

'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,

And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me,

His word my hope secures;

He will my shield and portion be,

As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease;

I shall possess, within the veil,

A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,

The sun forbear to shine;

But God, who call'd me here below,

Will be forever mine.

John Newton, 1779

Boston Tee Party

Pretty Pink Place.

Evidence: enjoying big hearty breakfast.

What a good influence I was on Parimal...

Mamta: my finest hour.

Save the last dance for me.

Tee antics.

Rode to Rhode Island

whispering waters, silent stones

It was destination Boston this weekend. Highlight was the trip to Providence, RI to see Bibi's exhibition. Abid Chacha, Karina, Feeza and I drove down to catch the last day. Some of the work reminded me of the lush saris Mehvesh and I had enjoyed when we went to Jaipur. I think that was part of the imagery Bibi sought to invoke. Stones were solid, grounded, set it in time and place. The shimmer added a longing for harkat and recognition. Maybe that's how Bibi feels about her work and life.

Whose your daddy?

Ok, so I admit, Faiz is starting to look like me. But most of all he looks like his Dada. Eye's are still like Mehvesh's; round, sparkling, curious, jet black.

Wanting to make friendship

I didn't really come to Penn looking for friends, but friends find the fortunate, and good friends find the blessed. So I found that I was blessed many times over when I was surprised with a congratulatory card from my friends at Penn. Of course I got it over a month ago, but late is better than never (on my part!) so am posting this now.

Show me a thousand words

By popular demand, I'm posting some more pictures of Faiz.

Day 19: Here Daddy, get my good side!

Day 15: Yes Nana, I can't wait to attack the library.

Day 15: See? I'm learning good things from him already.

Day 14: Bliss, truly.

Day 14: Oh no! Where did my hair go?

Day 12: Daddy, what big hands you have!

Day 11: Hello Taya Abbo!

Day 10: First day in his gymini.

Day 2: Just looking cute because he
doesn't know what else to do.
(Actually, that's his job description, and he's been such a
professional about it that we've decided to keep him.)

Day 1: Holding on tight to Dado's finger.

Did Gibran have children?

Dessi and I were discussing how it is sometimes diffucult for parents to let go of their children, and this can lead to some uncomfortable and even unhealthy situations. I told her about Gibran's 'Children' (below), and she said that her mom thinks that Gibran musn't have had any kids so he can't relate to what parents really feel. That's probably true, but his ideas / ideals are still worth consideration.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you: I like the idea of allowing kids the freedom to roam in the world of their own thoughts, with as little interference from grown-ups as possible; so we don't give them our biases and habits, and hopefully learn something from their simpler and innocent thoughts. Will this be possible? Let's see.

From Khalil Gibran; The Prophet

AND a woman who held a babe against her bosom
said, Speak to us of Children.

And he said:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

My Heart Belongs to Daddy

So the obvious question is what it feels like to be a father? The obvious answer is of course it feels great. Best feeling in the world. And it is. But what is not so obvious, or it least it wasn't to me, is the how it uncomplicates life. Most friends' reaction is 'oh boy, now you have a major responsibility.' True. But it also brings clarity to priorities, and makes you think about what is important in your life -- and what is not. So I'd say, confused? Have a kid!

So what kind of parents do we want to be? Though Desperate Houswives is probably not the best example of wholesome inspiration, the writers are obviously really talented (from Season 2 Episode 4):

"The world is filled with good fathers. How do we recognize them?

They're the ones who are missed so terribly, that everything falls apart in their absence. They're the ones who love us, long before we've even arrived. They're the ones who come looking for us when we can't find our way home.

Yes, the world is filled with good fathers. And the best are the ones who make the women in their lives feel like good mothers."

Baby Blues

Mehvesh was worried about 'returning to normal', so we searched the internet for what's normal after birth. I found this at a postpartum website, and think it put things in just the right perspective:

"Remember you've gained more than pounds by having a child. You've acquired memories of your baby's precious infancy, when all he wanted was your voice, your body, and your smile. You've grown strong from caring for your baby when he was ill. You've gained wisdom from learning to lovingly guide your clever explorer. You've discovered that even though your body may not meet pre-determined standards of beauty, it can nurture a baby in the best way possible. You've earned the body of a mother. Celebrate that body and appreciate the emotional and physical strengths you've gained. Compared to all that, a few extra pounds are insignificant."

Makes you jealous to want to be her doesn't it?